The subtle art of not giving a #@%!

Hello all,

 

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You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of.  You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.

Today on a trip to target I picked up a new book, The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A #@%! by Mark Manson 

The title itself drew me in and although I am only through the first two chapters I am finding it to be such an easy read.   The message differs from many self-help books I have read.  If you’re looking for a guide to happiness, this isn’t it.  If you enjoy chanting in the mirror “I deserve happiness” on repeat 30 times, this book isn’t for you.  This is a honest book that allows you to focus on the #@%! you should give and not give a #@%! where it isn’t needed.

Again, I am early on in my reading but I LOVE that this book is realistic.  Life has challenges, life is unexpected and unfortunately/ fortunately life sucks sometimes.  I love that this book encourages you to think past what your idea of happiness is and focus on the challenges you will face to get there, that is where you find out if you want something bad enough.

So excited to keep reading…

Have you read this book or another by Mark Manson?

A good life is not a life without problems.  A good life is a life with good problems.

For those wondering, I know I have not been posting as actively as originally planned.  The reason is simple: I am living the best life possible!  Although I want to take moments out to share my new finds, some great products, and just about me — my intention is to live in the moment and not allow the freedom of sharing to become the burden of creating content.

I am more active on Insta: Ashellaaa   Follow me :
Thanks for reading!

-A

 

 

13 Lessons

Late last year my boyfriend and I began to binge watch some Netflix series’ as a way of spending some time together.  Our second choice was 13 Reasons Why.  I had heard little about the series prior to becoming interested in watching but I think it is something that is worth while for teens today.

After watching the series I saw all the controversy that is caused.  However I think it is still something the world needed to see.  I do not believe it glorified suicide but instead shed light on the following lessons the world needs… these are the 13 things I took from the series.  If you haven’t watched do it quick season two drops May 18th!  If you have what is your opinion of the series? Are you excited for season 2?

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  1. What you say matters.  Words seem so simple but once they are said they can remain with someone forever.  This series opened my eyes to how judgmental the world is, I am at fault of this too.  When someones interests don’t align with ours what is our first thought?  Something must be wrong with them… incorrect something is wrong with the thought we are all suppose to share the same point of view.  Chose your words wisely.
  2. What you do matters.  Remember when you told Julie you would come to her birthday party.  Something “better” came up and you ditched it.  Julie didn’t forget, in fact it changed your friendship.  My point: what we do or in some cases fail to do matters.  People remember things and their feelings can be impacted by our actions. Chose to do right by yourself and others.
  3. You do not always know what is going on in someone’s life.  There are things people do not feel comfortable sharing based on many factors.  Whether it be a death or illness in the family, a personal illness, a personal trauma, or just a bad day.  Some people rather not speak on personal things in their life no matter how close you are with them.  Therefor bullet 1 & 2 are critical to ensuring what little we can offer be positive.
  4. Little things become big things.  When someone is suffering from any type of depression or anxiety something you view as small may seem like a huge occurrence in their life.  This basically is a reminder that bullets 1, 2, & 3 are critical.  Do not get me wrong, you are not to blame for having bad days, but if you make someone else’s day bad, well that’s your fault.  You have so much to offer make sure it shows in all that you do.
  5. We all need a quality friend.  I added quality because we all have friends.  Friends of quality are harder to come across.  More important being a friend of quality is not an easy task.  We can’t all be perfect and our friends understand that, but this point goes back to bullet 2.
  6. Be a quality friend.  Shocking next point, huh? Your actions matter, treat others as you expect to be treated.

The next set of points come from experiencing the first 6.

  1. Take people’s opinions with a grain of salt.  No one is perfect and no one opinion or way of life is correct.  We learn to live life the best way suitable for ourselves and families.  Do NOT change who you are or what you do based on a simple opinion.
  2. People are going to let you down.  Since no one is perfect this bullet is easily true.  We can not always make everyone happy and in most cases our intention is not to make people unhappy.  However we will disappoint some times.  Do NOT focus on a one time action, focus on a repetitive action, this will allow you to determine the intention of the person and make it easier to walk away from their behavior.  Remember we are human and you deserve to be treated with the respect you treat others with.
  3. Stand up for yourself and others.  If you have mastered the confidence it takes to execute the bullets above you probably stand up for yourself.  But remember some of us are still working on these skills, we need your help.  Stand up for others if you know something or someone is treating them wrong.  It is easier to handle things with a friend, no one should go through anything alone.
  4. Ask for help when needed.  Life is not rainbows and butterflies, we all need help at some point.  Do not be ashamed to reach out for help.  You never know what you will find, many people are going through similar things.  You are NOT alone.
  5. Help.  Be there for someone when they need it.  If someone reaches out to you and you are unable to help, find someone who can.  Most people just want a friend and someone to talk to they aren’t expecting a million dollar check and all their problems to go away.
  6. Do not speak.  Like I said some people just want to vent.  They need a hug.  They want to get coffee and cry it out.  Do not try to solve their issues with words.  Your presence is enough and your ability to listen means everything.
  7. Locate help.  Like I said before if you are unable to help someone by following all the other bullets it may be time to locate professional help.  Depression is a serious mental illness that affects over 18 million adults in any given year.  It is also the leading cause of disability for ages 15-44.  If you or anyone you know is looking for someone to talk to or is in need of help visit here for more information.  You can also visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline for free and confidential support.

I learned so much from this show and its rough topics.  I honestly wished it was around when I was a teen so I was more aware how impactful what I did an said to the people around me could affect them.

If you have not watched this series I encourage you to do so!  I also encourage you to talk about these issues and spread awareness so that everyone who is in need of help is able to receive the treatment and support they need in order to beat their battle with depression/mental illness.

Don’t forget to watch the second season premiering May 18th on Netflix.

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-A

 

Late night inspiration

Welcome back,

As I sit here unable to fall asleep while scrolling through LinkedIn I came across some motivating words.

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These are Gary Vaynerchuk’s  things to consider as you strive for happiness and success.

I came across Gary’s LinkedIn page a few days ago and I have been inspired by him everyday since.  He is an entrepreneur, best selling author, and one of the most sought after public speakers.  His podcast is what caught my attention when I visited his page and his energy is so captivating I couldn’t stop watching.

If you are in the mood for some personal and business advice I encourage you to follow him.  Do not take his words lightly, go out and live your dream!

Is there anyone you find inspirational for business/personal growth, leave a link or their name in the comments so I can utilize them for motivation as well!

Part of me starting this blog was about doing something for me, working on my day dream if you will.  Many of us spend 7-10 hours working on someone else’s dream only to come home make dinner and fall asleep.  Never forget to do something daily that moves you closer to your dream.

No matter what you work on today, big or small, make it count!  Give it your all and NEVER GIVE UP!

Also channel inspiration from the things around you…

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The universe, will send you signs and little bits our encouragement.  The full moon the last few days has been a total sign to me from the universe.

Anyone capture any cool photos from the full moon? Share in the comments!

This encouraged me to do some reading…

The moon is the planet that governs feminine energy.  It is traditionally understood to be powerfully emotional, intuitive, and rooted in wisdom of the subconscious. Full moons are notorious for being a signal of sudden endings.  It’s a time when we face the consequences of earlier actions or decisions we’ve made.  The key to dealing with any job, relationship, or situation coming to a close at the full moon is to not fight it, and to simply let it go.  Whatever safety you’re attempting to cling to is exactly what is putting your personal growth in danger.

-The Scorpio 2018 Full Moon Meaning Is More Intense Than You Think, Here’s What You Should Know by Rosebud Baker

This article was spot on and gave me chills.

Side note: universe just so you know I am loving your signs.  The full moon was beautiful now time to put change in action!

-A

 

BAD ASH UPDATES

As I shared in my prior post I have recently started the book You are a Badass by Jen Sincero.  This was recommended to me by one of my oldest and dearest friends Kayte.

I am not going to spoil the book for anyone because in my opinion this is a 2018 MUST READ!

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I would like to share some things that resinated with me…

Chapters 1-5:

Most people are living in an illusion based on someone else’s beliefs.

Such a true and unrecognized reality. Don’t get me wrong we need the people in our lives to guide us, but their beliefs become ours as do their fears.

The universe will match whatever vibration you put out. And you can’t fool the universe.

Basically, we can’t just appreciate life when it’s all sunshine and rainbows. You must focus on what your dream life is even when you just walked up to your car and found parking ticket. (I use this example because it happened to me Thursday.) Instead of remaining focused on my use of the day I let that one thing take over and I became instantly angry.  The universe wasn’t going to throw a bouquet of roses at my feet for being a pissy b*tch the rest of the day, just incase you had hope, I didn’t get the bouquet.

If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. – Lao Tzu

This quote. That is all. As someone with anxiety I can relate to this. I’d like to defend myself but I can’t, this quote is the truth. I am committing to spending more time in the present because there is really no better place to be.

Having others smear their fear and worry all over you is the last thing you need when you’re strengthening your superhero muscles to step out and take some risks.

Think about this with me, the last time you had a really killer idea and you shared it with someone (new business, ways to revamp a business, movie idea, book idea) what was their first reaction?

For many of us the answer is one of the following:

  • Do you really think people are going to pay for that?
  • How are you going to get the money to start that?
  • That doesn’t seem realistic…
  • How many people will pay to read it?

I will put myself in the guilty category. But why do we do this? Why when someone is attempting to grab life by the horns and make it their best version do we attempt to crush all of their dreams?

 

If you are currently reading the book, let me know what is resinating with you in the comments below.

If you have yet to pick it up… What are you waiting for? Join the journey to stop doubting your greatness!

-A